If you read the title, you would know that this is the last post. If you didn’t read the title, now you know: This is the last post. It was fun while it lasted, but I am making an executive decision that Stuff GW People Like is now a thing of the past, much like Dell laptops and purple squeezable ketchup.  Thanks for all participating in this large joke. Go Colonials.

Even though it’s only a week, spring break is the favorite break of GW students.  If you just happen to be in Florida or Mexico, you will undoubtedly find yourself in the company of a fellow colonial.  For GW girls, however, the week leading up to spring break is almost more exciting than the break itself because of two reasons: Bikini shopping and fake tanning.  Every girl knows a strong foundation of a tan is really really important. It is also interesting to watch how the average food intake of a GW girl is cut in half so that she can look hot for all of the boyz at the pool.  Unfortunately, all of the weight a GW girl sheds will be quickly gained back in margarita pounds. For all of the people who are just going home, how embarrassing!  Have fun not getting tan.

“the originality of your website inspires me”

OMG guys Christian Lander, the author of Stuff White People Like, just submitted this to my inbox.  The statement may be a little sarcastic, but Christian Lander is the inspiration for this blog… I hope he’s not mad that I totally copied his title. 

The following complaints are either:

a) real

b) partially real

c) completely false, but totally plausible

“They put foam on my latte.  I hate foam.”

“Where are all the straight boys?”

“Why hasn’t my package come yet? My new Hunter Rain boots are waiting. Package services is the worst.”

 “Why won’t my parents buy me the new I-pad 2?”

“My bananas are rotten in my $4.00 breakfast sandwich. What is this, Africa?”(this is real btw).

“Why don’t we have trees or grass?”

“That dumb bitch drank all of my Vodka.”

“The walk to Georgetown is so long. Let’s get a cab.”

“I’m all out of San Pelligrino.”

“I have an 8:00 am class. This is the absolute worst.”

“I didn’t get the housing I wanted/deserved.  Now I have to share my full kitchen/bathroom/living area. “

“Why is the motorcade so loud?”

 “Why don’t we have a Hot Yoga studio on campus?”

“Why is the line at Starbucks so long? It’s not like they don’t know my order anyways.”

 “I lost my blackberry! Wait, JK, it was in my Longchamp.”

At GW, study abroad is seen as the climax of one’s college career.  Not going on study abroad is just embarrassing.  Why wouldn’t you take the step to get out of the bubble that is GW and view the world and all it has to offer?! When a student is on their study abroad the first thing they do is start a blog.  Starting a blog is important because you get to show people what a unique experience you are having, as if no one else in the world has ever been on a study abroad program before.  While on study abroad, the student’s two main goals are to consume large amounts of alcohol and sex it up with natives of the country.  The best thing about study abroad is that when the student returns to GW, they have become an expert about all things related to that culture such as food, local customs, fashion, etc.  In addition, the student’s world view is now completely altered for life because they saw some poor people who looked really hungry.  It seems like for some GW students, living in a foreign country for one semester is the equivalent of being born and raised there.  They just totally get the plight of the common man.  For some reason, this great knowledge of one culture can now extend to a knowledge of the entire world. 

Regular Student: “This Pad Thai is really good.”

Study Abroad Student: “Are you kidding? This isn’t authentic at all. I would know.”

Regular Student:  “Uh, didn’t you study abroad in India?”

Study Abroad Student “Well, yes. But after that experience, I just feel like I really understand local flavors and cuisine.  You wouldn’t understand.”

As GW students, we deserve the best.  We get the best education (except for the Ivy Leagues we wouldn’t have been accepted to), the best opportunities, the best parties and also the best water.  Drinking tap water is pretty much the equivalent of incest - it’s just not something sophisticated people do.  There are several ways for GW students to consume water without having to drink straight from the faucet.

1.     Brita Water – Although this is essentially tap water, GW students know that they won’t be drinking any foreign contaminants after their water has passed through the Brita’s infallible filter. 

2.     Bottled Water – Bottled water is perfect to take to class because you can easily slip it in your Longchamp.  It is also perfect for those who like to slowly kill the environment and spend a lot of money on something that would otherwise be free.

3.     Sparkling Water -GW students like sparking water mostly because carbonation is fun, and the glass bottle makes you look really cool when you drink out of it.

4.     Water Bottle – Obviously any water that goes into a water bottle has been Brita Filtered or is actually Dasani water just poured into a reusable bottle to appear more sustainable.  Camelbacks are the best type of water bottle because you get to suck and bite on the straw thing and be environmentally friendly at the same time.  Nalgenes used to be acceptable until someone figured out the plastic can give you cancer. 

GW students are currently working on a referendum to get Perrier to come out of the shower nozzles, but they might have to settle for Fiji Water or Ice Mountain instead.

And then Moses said, “Let my people go [to GW].”  Exodus 5:1.  GW is essentially like the land of Canaan to Jews and it is a divine right for them to attend school here.  GW has roughly the same concentration of Jews as the city of Jerusalem.  Because of this, it is possible to divide the Jewish people into distinct groups (or tribes, if you will).

1.     New York Jew Girl: It can be hard to distinguish the NYJG from other New York girls.  Basically, the only difference is that she complains about the lack of authentic bagels in D.C. and will yell at restaurant workers when they put on too much cream cheese or don’t cut her bagel in half.

2.     Fratty Jew Guy:  Fratty Jew guy can be found pre-gaming at Chabad for Shabbat dinner before playing 8 rounds of beer pong for each night of Hannukah. 

3.     The Cultural Jew: You can often hear a cultural Jew saying, “I really should go to Hillel on Friday” or “I should at least celebrate one night of Passover…” Once in college, however, the cultural Jews realize that they had been forced into going to temple for their entire lives and begin to question their beliefs in God and/or humanity.

Other categories of GW Jew to look out for include the Jewish Republican, Gay Jew, Jew who spent a semester in Israel (these ones are dangerous), Closet Jew, Jewish Activist, I Love Israel Jew and the Blonde Jew.  Shalom. 

GW students have it rough.  We have to do really stressful things such as going to class, waking up, studying and waiting in line at Starbucks.  Because of these immense hardships, many GW students feel like they owe it to themselves to really unwind when the weekend comes, and by weekend, I mean Thursday.  A favorite past time among GW students is to go clubbing because it gives us a chance to temporarily forget about our struggles.  If you want to go clubbing, just follow this step-by-step guide for a successful night out.

1.     Whether you are a guy or a girl, you need to look hot.   In order to do this, you should be in the bathroom for at least an hour before you leave to shower, fix your hair, put on makeup, and whatever else you need to do to feel confident.

2.     Prior to becoming intoxicated, gather objects of necessity such as a valid form of identification, room key, GWorld and money.

3.     Drink lots of hard liquor in someone’s dorm.  The most important thing to know about clubbing is that you should never go sober.  If you do, you will realize that your life is a joke and you will question why you are barely wearing clothes in 20 degree weather. 

4.     Go to the club.  While there, try and make out with at least three people and at least one person of the same gender just for kicks.  Reverse that number if you are a homosexual.

5.     Sweat. Dance. Temporarily lose your shoes.  Find your shoes.  Dance.  Be slightly molested by a stranger.  Flee.  Dance.  Lose your group of friends.  Find them.  Leave.

6.     Arrive back to GW and go to 7-11 or order Dominos. 

If you follow these guidelines, there is absolutely no chance that any thing could go wrong, and your stress level will be around zero because clubs are just so calming and relaxing after a treacherous week.

Depending on what type of person you are, the term “club” will immediately bring up one of two images.  The first image would be of a peer group brought together by a common interest that meets every Tuesday from 8:00 to 9:00 and discusses said common interest.  The second image associated with club would be of a small space where groups of people share the common interest of grinding and sweating on each other while intoxicated and listening to heavy dance beats.  Luckily, GW students love both of these things.   This post, however, will focus solely on the clubs that you don’t need a valid form of ID to get in to. 

Clubs are a great way to meet a lot of different people, and by a lot of different people, I mean clones of your self.  For instance, have you ever noticed that when a club uses the term “multi-cultural” they actually mean the opposite?  Everyone in these clubs, at least externally, looks exactly the same. The.Same.  It’s totally proven that the best way to bring people of different backgrounds together is by separating them based on race and ethnicity.  You also have to question why some people join the clubs they join.  Because really, why would anyone volunteer themselves for The George Washington University Consulting Club(this is real btw), unless you could put it on a resume later*?  

Another important type of club that is often forgotten about at GW would be club sports teams.  Although it is shocking, some people at GW literally play sports (Ignore prior post, Not Playing Sports).  These people will claim that they are better than GW’s Varsity sports teams, and chances are, they are right. 

But by all means, go join a club.

*Sorry, if this is offensive to any members of the GWU Consulting Club.